On the eve of their bar exam, two exhausted law students share a cup of coffee over a table strewn with highlighted notes. Equal parts anxious and excited, they talk about the future.

John imagines life at the top. He dreams of a high-floor office with two glass walls and the prestige that comes to a partner whose name decorates the wall. The second student, James, shares this dream — but he also wants to travel. He wants to live and work abroad, and to win cases that seem all but impossible to achieve at the outset.

They clink glasses, optimistic about their futures.

Fast forward 20 years. The same two lawyers share a table at their old coffee shop. John wears a razor-sharp suit and a practiced smile; he now directs a legion of junior partners and paralegals.

James looks rumpled; his suit is more than a few years out of date. He admits that he traveled abroad some, but never made it past a junior role. He now runs a one-man firm out of a downtrodden office block and takes on cases that he doesn’t like to admit bore him to tears. The conversation between them stalls — why wouldn’t it? The two former classmates are so different now.

What makes one person succeed and another fail? What empowers one dreamer to fly and dooms the other to fall?

In my experience, the answer is always the dreamer himself.

It’s the same old story at school reunions, family get-togethers and overdue chats over coffee. When you ask about the dreams a person once gushed about, they look down and say “Oh, that didn’t pan out,” or “No, I couldn’t make that work.” They never look happy about it.

But is it all that unexpected? After school lets out for good and we enter the “real world,” we face a sudden lack of hard deadlines. All our accomplishments in our careers are self-directed, down to the last job and performance review.

We have to be the architects of our own achievement. We need to be the coaches that encourage ourselves to keep on going even though we’re tired and the critics who pick apart failures in search of future accomplishment. We need to lead ourselves before we have any hope of influencing others.

To be able to do so, let’s set a few points straight.

Time management is a myth.

Whenever someone starts to prattle on about time management, I have to stop myself from sighing.

We are all given the same 24 hours each day. We can choose what we do within those hours, but you can’t turn back time to give yourself an extra minute; the sun moves on just the same.

What you can control are your own actions. What do you want to do in the next hour? What do you want to do in the next 10 years? The milestones you write down today can guide you to success, but you need to stick with them. You might get less done than you hoped; you might accomplish more. But taking a single step toward your goals is better than sitting back and waiting for an opportunity to come.

You need to know what drives and what derails you.

I firmly believe that introspection will always be critical to finding long-term success. We need to know what can push our buttons for good or for ill.

These pressure points can take unexpected forms. Let’s say that you’re absolutely terrified of public speaking — yet, it’s your dream to win legal cases.

Your dream will remain out of reach unless you work to “deactivate” that button! To overcome your fear, you might work with a mentor, voluntarily give speeches or stand as the primary presenter for a project — anything that empowers you to vault your personal barriers.

However, these buttons aren’t always something to avoid. Sometimes, you might find something that reminds you of the reason why you wanted to achieve your dreams in the first place. Maybe, to continue the lawyer example, you want to help those who can’t afford counsel. Or, perhaps you want nothing more than to delve into the law’s intricacies for the rest of your life.

Whatever your intentions are, whatever your values might be, stick with them. They will serve as guiding posts when you feel your career sliding off path.

Change is the only constant in business and life.

You won’t be the same person in 10 years that you are today — that’s an incredible thing. Circumstances change; terrible and wonderful situations influence our lives and force us to think, grow and evolve.

If we approach the storms and opportunities life throws at us with grace, humor, creativity and flexibility, we will emerge wiser, more independent and stronger than we were when we entered. In business and our personal lives, we need to orient ourselves with a learning mindset.

The other day, I came across a Harvard Business Review article that explained what differentiates entrepreneurs who successfully lead their companies to scale from those who don’t. I believe the writer supports my point best: “Entrepreneurs who grow into leaders … want to be molded by new experiences and to improve their leadership selves … They take deliberate steps to confront their shortcomings … Instead of floundering, they learn to fly.”

Live in a learning mindset. Change is natural, expected and needed. Take initiative and evolve!

You can’t stop feeding your fire.

What differentiates a person who succeeds from another who doesn’t?

Fire.

You need to have that spark, that driving motivation to succeed. Your family might lecture or encourage you, but in the end, it’s your responsibility to keep your inner fire roaring.

Keep it fed. Let it drive you to be the self-leader you need to be. Remember that if you let it sputter out, you might end up like James: disillusioned, disappointed and wondering when it was that your dreams flickered out.

 

*I originally posted this article in Forbes on January 28, 2019.